Just checking out what time the different results shows start tonight and what's on to keep me occupied before they do. Discovered to my surprise that ITV still do an Election Night show. Thinking about it I probably shouldn't have been surprised, but still, I was.
It led me to wonder why they bother and then to wonder whether ITV had been wondering the same thing. I decided they probably had been, and this in turn led me to imagine the meeting where they discussed the alternatives.
Of course they would have to do something really big to grab the ratings away from BBC and Sky News. The obvious choice would be an after-the-watershed Corrie special like what Hollyoaks sometimes do. Several Rovers regulars haven't been seen for a while. Locals think they heard some of them mention a last minute break and therefore they could be stranded abroad due to the ash cloud. Meanwhile Fred the Butcher's new recipe sausages are flying out of the shop but for some reason Fred is evasive about his "secret ingredient". In the meantime Ken Barlow has parked his Rover 25 at a popular dogging location on a windswept Lancashire moor. Too late, he realises that the sphincter he's enthusiastically rimming belongs to Gail Tilsley. Cue the saxophone. The 2nd half of the episode will be shown 90 minutes later.
Filling the gap we start with the ITV News which leads on how last year's X-Factor finalists voted in Britain's Got Talent. Those that also voted in the General Election tell us how they cast that vote too.
Next up Alastair Stewart would be narrating yet another of those series based on footage from a camera mounted in a police car. Except that he's taken the hump at not getting to do an election show. So Notts County footballer Lee Hughes is doing it instead. Viewers in Scotland will miss this in favour of the first episode of the eagerly awaited 15-part fly-on-the-wall series following Rangers star Kyle Lafferty and his fiancee Tori as they prepare for their wedding. Shoppers at Braehead are outraged as Primark closes for 2 hours to allow Tori a private shopping experience. That bloke off the Postcode Lottery adverts is doing the voiceover.
Corrie fans now only have 16 minutes of adverts and 18 minutes of When Seagulls Attack to sit through before we return to Wetherfield for the exciting denouement.